16 April 2011

Bitter Life.

This post is suppose to be a video blogging. I actually recorded myself and wanted to put them up here. But then I am thinking twice should I put up. I haven't edit it yet, well let see how it goes.

If you didn't know, I can actually write a book about life. True story. But because my english is bad I don't think I could but I am sure it will be one of the good seller book because it's about true story. When I share this story, I don't want anyone to pity on me or tell me all the philosophical. No one could help neither I am asking for it. Because in the end, people will just tell me "Don't care!" or "Just focus on the things that you want to achieve" or "This is your dream to study in Australia, so don't complaint" or "Seek God, pray".

In life, they said "We have to be responsible for the action and choices we made". Yes it's very true. Have you give it a second thought? Let say I decided to go the shop, I was waiting at the human light to turn green so that I could cross the road. While waiting, a truck over turn and hit on me. Is that my fault? Do I have to responsible for that? That's not my fault but I have to suffer the pain or if I would have died on the spot my family will grief on me.

Speaking the truth, I've been longing to go overseas to study for my whole life, if not century. After much consideration, my mum still think that I should come to Australia. Ok fine, I made the decision to come here as well. I made the choices but do I deserves gossip? I hate people looking down on me and my family. Yes, I came from a really small hometown in a third world country but that doesn't mean that we are poor until we need to eat potatoes everyday and no meat are served on the dining table.

I hate people think that Australia (I don't mean to say OZ is bad) is superior and I came to Australia to beg for help. People just won't stop their fucking mouth which makes me feel very terrible. I made the decision, do I deserve to be looked down?

For all the good deeds I've done and shown during my stay, who bloody claims it under their names? All these people are so interested with my life that they have to interfere me in any possible ways. When I did something good, someone else got the praises and when I didn't bloody do anything, people blame me! I made the decision, do I deserve do get the blame but none of the praises?

I hate how people judge me and put me in the position that I am a poor girl that is begging for help but never return favours. Who the hell are you to say that? You haven't even live with me or know me so well for a century and there you bitch me.

For all the morals I've learned and for all the God's words that I am familiar with, my respect goes out to everyone, no matter who you are, what you work, your status and your age, I just have to respect for that's what I've been taught since young.

If you bloody look down on me and my family is not as rich as yours, you lose your respect.

If you didn't play the role model of being someone I respect in life, turn around and backstab me, you lose your respect.

If you for being such a man, a breadwinner, a businessman but you never respect people like me, you lose your respect.

If you dare to compare your children with me, there's no where they are better off than me, you lose your respect.

If you think that I study tourism or either I am doing a degree it doesn't going to bring me any where and I wouldn't be RICH one day, you lose your bloody respect.

If you think because you live in Australia and you are rich, I should worship you, please! you actually miss out the meaning of life and take this - I am NEVER gonna give in to you even I am young. N.E.V.E.R!

How sad could it be if all these people are actually in the end does have a little blood connection to you?

Thank you for fulfiling each of the criteria above. And that you've won for making me to feel shit.

Five donkey years, I have forgotten how happiness actually felt like.



Sista said...

*hugs* i agree with all the truths. we are genuine people who live a genuine life although there are shitty *cough* relatives who want to screw us.

i'm very far, but deep inside i'm close to you, i feel you. it hurts me so bad not for what they said about you but you had to face all this alone in a foreign land.

i wish i could give you a better life. i love u.

Isaac said...

is ok that people around you insult you or hurl you. We can't stop their mouth and thoughts. But we need to work on what we can control. What we can control is our responsible actions.

I have a similar experience with you when I wanted to study in a private college. My family and I were insulted. I patient, indeed I treated my cousins well when they come to KL and need help.

So do not worry in a foreign country. That is the mentality of the westerner that Asian is inferior which is not true because they have much more to learn from us!

May God be with you.

Ka Seng