Heavy heart

The emotions, settings and images when I first arrived to Sydney still live in my mind after a whole rough journey of 20 months. And today, I actually appreciate at least some things throughout the choppy waves although I complaint so much before, perhaps still, but indeed, I finally felt that I would leave some memorable life stories in this city - the so called one of the best city in the world. The salty,sour and spicy stories that I've tasted in life which I would definitely share them with my children over dinners or even grandchildren if I am still alive. I am 6 months away from graduating and 5 months away from moving out of this city that I disliked and hated so much. But to really compare the goodies in this city, it consist every bits and pieces of happenings, indulgences and human's desire. Desire? When I mentioned desire, I don't mean needs. The significant of needs is still deeply buried in the dirty soil or hiding some where in between the blocks of high rise concrete architecture. Unrevealing just yet, I think I would miss this city and maybe not wanting to pack and bid goodbye. This is such a strange feeling, that I am torn apart and each goodness is pulling me in opposite directions, for that I no longer have magnets power to support my standing. It is just the gravity is still working at its' best.

To be honest, I am a little afraid now, afraid of the changes, afraid of the people, and afraid almost everything that I could be afraid of. I discovered that I have changed in a very short span period of time that I no longer feel hype or head over heels in venturing into another foreign soil in my 23 years of living in this planet. Am I being negative? Living in my current stage of life has put me into an immune mode that being in an ordinary unhealthy lifestyle has actually enable me to adapt with such tremendous changes in this place which I strongly believe the individualistic exist. The nature call of human mindset that the grass is always greener the other side, but how green would it be? If only the green could be defined with a Luna colour pencil, it would perhaps save you and me from consuming so much of the neuron cells. It is difficult or nearly impossible to summarize my journey of 20 months in this tiny little space with the constant of "popular" taking a break with Kit Kats. But one thing for sure, I've come to comprehend the debates between $money$ and happiness - I am certain and strongly belive that happiness is the most valuable item in the list of #thingsyouneedineverydaylife besides money. wtf! Did I actually answer the question?