New Blog Header

Ohai all!

So, I have finally put this blog header up! Is not the best but so far that's the best I could do. Just because I couldn't afford a thousand ringgit for someone to revamp this whole thingy for me. But slowly, I hope it gets better :D

It's all carefree on my blog header that is assosiated with beach. I love beach, very much like that. What say you?

T__T

I've become so wordy in most of my blogpost ever since forever. And I totally hate that!

W H A T E V E R it is. 

Life is a BITCH. Its' either you HATE it or LOVE it.

38th blog post

My title says it all. That's for 2011. 

This week supposed to be a jolly week but I really can't help it that this post is all about whinning. Totally didn't match the mood with the current celebrations. Not to spoil your mood, highly appreciates if you could just leave me here alone instead and continue your happy week. 

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You all have seen how this blog was started with lots of fun and jolly happenings in the beginning and that is what the mission of this space of mine is served to do at it's best. So I would try to avoid melancholy posts or else decline blogging at all means. For that, I am always lost if not busy and sad if not happy (Duh!). 

Flashing back the whole year of 2011, I have intentionally and unintentionally spend most of my time pondering about L.I.F.E. The only times that I wasn't thinking about it, probably when my mind was shut down completely. But when the sun rises again, there I go thinking about life. AGAIN. I even feel disgusted about myself for feeling horrible on uncountable days till now and still I couldn't get over it. yet. I hate to repeat the sadness stories to my friends and everytime when they emailed/text/whatsapp me, they will start saying 'How are you feeling? Are you feeling better?' I know that they are concern about me but such statement in every freaking messages I received I need to lie and say "Yeah. Feeling better. I just don't wanna talk about it FULL STOP". Ok, maybe that FULL STOP doesn't exist, just to maintain that I am cool like that. 

Matters even got worst like when I told one friend about what I am feeling right now on the 23/12 at 5.00pm. Then maybe a day or two later, I am not feeling it anymore because I play cool like that (again) or at times I have succeeded to not think about it at least for like 6 hours, it is sort of a victory to me. fuckyeah.jpg. Then my phone rang! Aha! I can spend like the next one hour not to think about it because I have someone distracting my thoughts. But to my enourmous hope, I chuckled and was brought to kick back the bloody sad stories when at the other end of the line said 'I heard you are not feeling that well'. For that, all negative emotions rushing back to find the exact right place in the corner of my mind and start sitting there for a whole freaking day again. I am not blaming them when they asked because it shows they concern about me but really, I don't need that anymore and it hurts even more to talk about it. 

Having said that, I rarely or even try not to mention about it to anyone. There is one person, whom kept praising about how strong or brave I was through the times, in fact, the stories or there isn't any choice I could choose had made me to withstand. I am like a normal person in the outer look as if I could make it through and the innerself of me is completely at the rate of abnormal conditions. Numerous times, I have cried buckets of water and thought I will be better after that, but that better time never comes. Never. At the same time, I don't expect anyone to understand about my situation and I believe everyone has their own troubles and turbulences. 

I have done almost everything that I could to change my current situation but to no avail, it seems hopeless. And luck isn't on my side. Come to think about it, people that are always positive although they received a lot of backstabbing and gossiping eventually wouldn't hurt them spiritually because they have someone special supporting them and giving them encouragement. To conclude it, that special affection to that one person is ultimately important, even the family affection and encouragement is thus by far not as HIGH influential compared to the one special affection. To apply that theory, I think to be single (free from relationship shits) and available (without that special affection effect) would totally make a huge difference to what I have been through as the family affection and encouragement will be the top priority when there isn't anyone that I have to put some expectations and failed me in the transition of my melancholy days. #truestory 

For 2012, my resolution is certainly none other than happiness, which is to be one of the many happy jolly people in the world (even if I have to be single again. totally don't mind). For happiness to happen I would totally trade less blood-tied relationships for genuine friendship (less than 5 good enough) #truestory so that I can be happy. Also, I would trade for less wardrobe for happiness. To those of you whom are feeling like me, CHEERS for 2012 to be a good year ahead :)

Image stolen from here.

Koala Bear

It's not a joke. I landed in this land of kangaroos and koala bears 2years ago. And of no reasons, I don't know why I have not see or touch them physically.

How strange is this?

All I have done so far is this.

Yes, just a picture with a fake koala bear *smacks forehead*

Pissed off

This is the post that I have written few weeks ago and have been sitting in my draft :-

I am extremely angry! Yes very angry! I didn't intend to break the silence of this blog with an angry post after untouched for weeks but I couldn't help it at this present moment. So the bloody shit matter that has been bothering me all this while is assignment. Not individual assignment but group assignment.

I don't fucking care about who you are and what you do, but seriously, if it is a group project, do it with enthusiasm and give your best all you could. I always thought group assignment is the best way to actually PASS the whole unit because group work means everyone can contribute their different ideas and nail the project with a distinction together.

There are 5 people in my group including me. So 3 didn't actually contribute much! When I said didn't contribute much means their piece of work are not useful in any other ways which then concluded I have to take their shits and re-do it. 1) Never attend group meeting because of work. 2) Always give excuses they couldn't send their part on time. 3) Unwilling to pay the materials for the project. And in the end, they questioned me why did I buy this and that? Wow!! Give a round of applause for people like that, didn't do much can still respond with dignity and pride.

And the 4th person get on my nerves too! I know everyone has work responsibility and has commitment but that doesn't mean that people's time and money is valueless. What is the feeling that I am supposed to feel when I waited for an hour in uni (so that I won't wait too long for the person to show up in the station) before I took another 1hour train to the designated meeting place and in the end 10 minutes before the meet up the 4th person said "Can you go home instead because I couldn't make it, my boss gave me a last minute shift'. What the fudge?!!?! I was so angry and I didn't have enough sleep the day before because I had a presentation the same morning, and a group member didn't turn up and for that reason we had to do it the next following week. TWO FUDGING THINGS IN A DAY?!

It seems like I couldn't be angry and blame the 4th person. The next day, I spoke what is needed to be said and all she could say was "I am sorry. So what you want me to do? It is a yesterday thing". It took me another one hour or so to get home. I bought the ticket to the designated station and I got down, bought another ticket home. So my money and time is not important, her work and her boss is important. The next day she even said "What are you complaining about, I am sitting her all day doing the work". They will forever not understand how I valued time and money, all they could think of is themselves and what they feel like doing at the present time.

Just because 3 person didn't manage to give me a proper piece, 4th person canceled the meet up two days before presentation and 24hours before the assignment is dued I have to work till 1am and sleep deprived. Oh god, please sustain me! So is this fair or unfair?

Another case was before she did the artwork cutting, I told her to shades the sides with a black marker before cutting so that it looks better. The next day, the shades was so ugly because she shaded it after cutting. Damn smart right?! So stubborn and didn't wanna listen. So our conversation went like this

Me : Why is the shades is so uneven?

Person : I did it on purpose because it was ugly after I cut it.

Me : What? I told you yesterday right, to shade it before cutting. So you didn't wanna shade it at all from the first place although I advice you to do so yesterday, so that the artwork stands out better.

Person : Ok. Listen! *stop walking* So I am not doing right? I shade it. I did it on purpose.

Me : Yes. But you have to shade it before cutting.

Person : You are not talking properly. My brain is not working and I don't understand what are you talking about.

See. that is how people will respond to me with all these simple sentence just to put a BIG FULL STOP in their work.

If they didn't really want to study in uni, then why bother doing it?! Just because they still wanna have fun and other dedicated/committed students have to eat your shits? PLEASE, if anyone don't wanna study and merely go to uni for the sake of the certificate, get your entire self out of uni life. It is unfair to say this but it really got me thinking that the locals never appreciate what they have. That is why I rather mix or work with international students compared to the locals. (But I am the only international student in the class. It sucks. Really!)

Silence is not golden to me right now. This is my blog. I have freedom of speech. If you got pissed off because I write this, you are right and feel free to feel it too. And if you feel pissed off and guilty over such issues, it doesn't make you better ONLY UNLESS YOU ARE WILLING TO CHANGE!

Edited : This happened two weeks ago. So one of those important days, my mobile alarm didn't ring for some reason and I overslept. So indeed the person reached my home and I was still sleeping. I have already been agreed to be picked up at 7am. At 7.10am I heard someone knocking on my door and I got the utmost shocked in life, I jumped off the bed and looked at my mobile 'Shittt!! 7.10am!!" I went to open up the door and I was been greeted - "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" so yeah. But to look at it, it happened to me that I waited for that same person for an hour due to her forgetfulness of forwarding the clock during daylight savings. In return, I just waited, I make a few phone calls and the person said she's coming and I was waiting outside in the cold thinking she would be here in a few minutes. Instead, in the car I was told that when I called her, she just woke up. Brilliant!!

Edited edited : Finally the end of semester, at least, I got back my share portion in terms of monetary.

I am happy a bit now for now since I am done with them.